Sunday, November 8, 2015
This blog has moved to wordpress
This blog has moved to wordpress. Please follow me there (anautismobserver.wordpress.com).
Thursday, September 25, 2014
We don't have to keep fighting a losing battle
I have "passed as normal" sufficiently to earn a living as an engineer. I retired when I could no longer (at age 51) sustain the required effort.
I believe that genetics affect human behavior (hard to dispute) and that (having evolved under radically different circumstances) most humans are genetically ill-suited to modern life. In accepting my limitations as genetic, I release myself from pressure to "fit in" or prove my worth.
I want to spread the idea that we don't have to keep fighting a losing battle to integrate all humans into modern society, and there can be peace in surrender. I feel the pain of being mentally ill-equipped to deal with modern life and wish fewer faced this battle.
I don't want to argue politics. I want to present my personal perspective of achieving peace of mind despite not "fitting in", in hopes of reciprocating the acceptance and help other bloggers have given me.
I believe that genetics affect human behavior (hard to dispute) and that (having evolved under radically different circumstances) most humans are genetically ill-suited to modern life. In accepting my limitations as genetic, I release myself from pressure to "fit in" or prove my worth.
I want to spread the idea that we don't have to keep fighting a losing battle to integrate all humans into modern society, and there can be peace in surrender. I feel the pain of being mentally ill-equipped to deal with modern life and wish fewer faced this battle.
I don't want to argue politics. I want to present my personal perspective of achieving peace of mind despite not "fitting in", in hopes of reciprocating the acceptance and help other bloggers have given me.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
My "own little world"
My constantly-running inner dialog is similar enough to the blogs I'm reading to reassure me that I can do this. I have to write for myself, and if it happens to help someone else that's strictly a bonus.
I'm not nearly as smart or rational or independent as I once imagined myself. I'm grateful to bloggers who model for me how being human and imperfect can be assets.
It's heart-breaking how many in the autism community are winning the battles of obtaining therapies but losing the war of integrating into society. As a casualty of this war, forced into early retirement due to inadequate social skills (I was avoiding my boss and co-workers) and poor emotional regulation (I could not get myself into the mood to work), I want to spare others my pain.
Why are we autistics drawn to our "own little worlds"? For me, it's an altered state of consciousness achieved without drugs.
Consider a typical social interaction: (1) person A develops a desire to engage with person B, (2) A thinks about what B might like and plans how to engage B accordingly, (3) B responds favorably, (4) A and B spend time together until the mood passes and they disengage, (5) A and B feel good about having interacted, (6) A and B have established a relationship that may continue to develop.
My "own little world" provides a way to bypass steps (2) through (4) (which are effortful and risky) and create an alternate path to step (5), feeling good.
From reading blogs by neurotypical (NT) parents of autistic children, I've learned how NT's proceed through steps (1) through (6). I want to provide a similarly detailed account of how I process my moods, and in doing to so provide insight into why autism is so difficult to navigate and hopefully clues to improve outcomes.
I'm not nearly as smart or rational or independent as I once imagined myself. I'm grateful to bloggers who model for me how being human and imperfect can be assets.
It's heart-breaking how many in the autism community are winning the battles of obtaining therapies but losing the war of integrating into society. As a casualty of this war, forced into early retirement due to inadequate social skills (I was avoiding my boss and co-workers) and poor emotional regulation (I could not get myself into the mood to work), I want to spare others my pain.
Why are we autistics drawn to our "own little worlds"? For me, it's an altered state of consciousness achieved without drugs.
Consider a typical social interaction: (1) person A develops a desire to engage with person B, (2) A thinks about what B might like and plans how to engage B accordingly, (3) B responds favorably, (4) A and B spend time together until the mood passes and they disengage, (5) A and B feel good about having interacted, (6) A and B have established a relationship that may continue to develop.
My "own little world" provides a way to bypass steps (2) through (4) (which are effortful and risky) and create an alternate path to step (5), feeling good.
From reading blogs by neurotypical (NT) parents of autistic children, I've learned how NT's proceed through steps (1) through (6). I want to provide a similarly detailed account of how I process my moods, and in doing to so provide insight into why autism is so difficult to navigate and hopefully clues to improve outcomes.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
pain that is difficult to verbalize
Have you ever entered a situation you knew would be painful, but that you had to experience as part of your process? That's what this blog is about. In order to contribute meaningfully to the autism community I have to revisit deep pain that is difficult to verbalize. Meanwhile I'm reading blogs and watching videos that force me to revisit my pain until I can write about it.
Much more to come when I find the words.
Much more to come when I find the words.
Friday, January 3, 2014
Who am I, and why blog?
I'm a 57-year-old self-diagnosed (former?) Aspergian, single, childless, retired engineer. I've gained tremendous insight through reading autism blogs and am hoping to reciprocate by writing my own.
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